I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
