in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
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