Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
