wanna go halves on a baby?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
