yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
