Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
