Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
