Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
