You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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