Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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