she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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