Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
