I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
