Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
