i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
