Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
