when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
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I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize