Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
