Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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