the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
