you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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