dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
