Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
