No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
