Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
