Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
