i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
