I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
