so that wasnt chicken after all
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
