went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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