I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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