The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
