my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
