Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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