Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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