took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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