So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
