If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
