if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
