My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
