remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
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Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box