hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.