is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize