what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You are the jesus of drinking
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
