The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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