He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
