Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
