Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
