batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
