The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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