No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
