that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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