1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
