My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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