I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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