This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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