My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
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I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
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Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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