He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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