Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
