dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
