Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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