You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
