Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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