Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
