the condom got lost in my hair
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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