Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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