she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I pour the whiskey from now on
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
