i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
