i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
