I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
